Feedback for a client who is under the illusion she is “content” and “calm”

I am writing to you as I promised I would once I got feedback from the group people and, as well, I will provide you with my own feedback.

As you know, this “Soul Woundology Process” you were involved in is about acknowledging, accepting and embracing people, events, our thoughts and our feelings etc.

By acknowledging, we are 51% of the way there.

Because of your lack of acknowledgment, I’m giving you this feedback with no expectations of you.

As I had previously mentioned to you – you are truly the greatest self deceiver I’ve ever worked with.

Feedback from the group:

• severe reaction to Lori’s drawings & you pretended you had no reaction
• severe reaction to Lori discussing sexual relationship with Michael’s father & yet you claimed it was a non-issue
• not one of the individuals in the group believed that you were okay with my mother’s impending death even though you verbalized that you were
• you are arrogant
• you are wound up tight
• you’re holding on for dear life
• not one person saw you as content and calm
• will not provide you feedback because you will rationalize
• will not provide you feedback because you’ll get enraged
• will not provide you feedback because you’ll cry
• will not provide you feedback because you won’t perceive it as being of value to you
• will not provide you feedback because you’re not ready for the information
• afraid and anxious, very scared, extremely judgmental, secret keeper, positivisor, living in a fantasy world,withholder and you are in extreme pain
• they know nothing about you
• no one believes that you know how to be intimate with your new man
• no one believes that you are over the death of your daughter (not even close)
• your daughter died to get away from you (as we had discussed on the phone if I don’t feel I can provide you feedback without a reaction, and no one else in the group can, it’s reasonable to assume that at some level you know that your daughter didn’t/wouldn’t provide you honest feedback either). I have had experience with 2 clients with adult children, where the children were too scared to provide honest feedback. One joined the Army and went to fight in Afghanistan to get away from the mother. The other one joined a cult in China to get away from the mother.  Some other examples:
•  17 year old girl left home and got married because she couldn’t talk to her mother.
•  a young man died falling off a cliff to get away from his mother.
•  last year a man hung himself in his mother’s house to get away from her.

• Some of the feelings that I have picked up from you that you have not even acknowledged:
• out of place, cowardly, hatred, depression, beaten down, insincere, humiliated, misunderstood, oversensitive, judgmental, desperate, panicky, isolated, separate, inferior/superior, disgusted, rejected, numb, regretful (a reminder that you haven’t even acknowledge these).
• You have acknowledged being sad, lethargic, sorrowful and raging, however, you have not accepted these, let alone embraced them.
• Notice that you never expressed any of these feelings to me even though I had assigned homework to you to identify and tell me about them.
• Some of the soul wounds that I’ve picked up from you that you have not even acknowledged: not good enough, unwanted, runner, waste of time, victim, I am a mistake, extreme sexual shame.
• Whenever I ventured to do ‘family-of-origin’ discussion with you, you weaseled out of discussing it.
• It speaks volumes when you do not discuss e-mails that I sent specifically to you, because they apply specifically to you; i.e. two sexual shame articles, the narcissist article, codependency article, two coping mechanism articles, psychopath article. (I’m not sending these to you because I feel like spending hours looking for articles to send you for the hell of it-they are specifically your issues)

Your content and calm “stance” is an old pattern of yours that has kept you in your self-deception and your fear.