A man came to see me after reconsidering committing suicide. He had purchased a 357 Magnum, sat in his vehicle in an industrial parking lot, fully prepared to “blow his head clean off.” He couldn’t understand why he wanted to do this when he didn’t have any issues.
Within moments he expressed that his wife had commanded him 15 years ago to stop raging and, if he did rage, he was not to express it. I asked him where he thinks the rage went. And he replied “you know – it just went-poof!” His demonstration of this was interesting to me because he showed it as a magician would show something disappearing into thin air.
After guiding him into a place of more awareness, he understood that the 15 year suppressed rage led him to the point of buying a gun, and wanting to blow his brains out. He allowed her to train him so well, that he was scared of blowing his brains out in their home, as it might be too messy, and it would cause his wife great distress for having to clean up the mess. He thought his only alternative was to kill himself in a location away from the home, so as not to upset his wife.
Prior to this meeting, he had never made the connection, that the rage does not dissipate; if anything, it becomes overwhelming. It must go somewhere, and it could manifest as a heart attack, stroke, cancer or, in his case, a need to blow his brains out; it doesn’t just go poof!
